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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. You can also check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with Bill and I asking you questions all in the suffocating familiarity of your own home.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

RICH MCFARLANE: Hey, everybody. This is Rich McFarlane calling from Grand Forks, N.D.

SAGAL: Grand Forks, N.D. That's awesome, one of the few places I've never been, one of the two states I've never visited. I don't know...

MCFARLANE: Well, come on over. You can stay at our - at my house.

SAGAL: All right. That's very nice of you. What do you do there?

MCFARLANE: I'm a high school theater teacher.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. How are you managing that, man?

MCFARLANE: Well, we're doing the best we can just like everybody else.

PJ O'ROURKE: Great year for one-man shows.

MCFARLANE: (Laughter) Yeah, exactly.

SAGAL: Well, Rich, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play the Listener Limerick Challenge. Bill Kurtis right here is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing. You know what to do. Tell us what that last word or phrase is - you win our prize if you do it 2 times out of 3. You ready to go?

MCFARLANE: I am most ready to go. Let's do it.

SAGAL: Let's do it. Here we go. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Here in Ottawa, it's rarely sunny. And it's cold here. Your nose will be runny. But a trip here will pay, we mean literally. If you visit us, we'll give you...

MCFARLANE: Money.

SAGAL: Yes, money.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Money.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: One hundred dollars was just added to the list of all the reasons to visit Ottawa, Canada, joining you have to and emergency landing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Attempting to attract more visitors, the local government is offering cold hard cash as an incentive. To be fair, everything in Ottawa is cold and hard. It's in Canada. Ottawa, also known as, no, no, you're thinking of Toronto, has seen low tourism numbers this summer. So this month, any tourist can get $100 to spend towards any of the great Ottawa attractions, like that canal.

HARI KONDABOLU: (Laughter).

SAGAL: It sort of feels like the Canadian government is your nicest uncle. Here's $20, kid. Go have fun. OK, Rich. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: It's a brownish big fluff that will bellow. Oh, that grease stain's a mere peccadillo. It's fresh from the fryer and keeps my head higher. This fluffy McNugget's my...

MCFARLANE: Pillow.

SAGAL: Right. Very good, Rich.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You can finally get that McDonald's ambience in your home with the new chicken nugget pillow. McDonald's and Travis Scott teamed up on a new line of McDonald's merchandise. And the most popular item is a giant three-foot body pillow that looks exactly like a chicken nugget. For some reason, the giant body pillow that just smelled exactly like a chicken nugget was not as successful. Now, in the old days, if you wanted a three-foot McNugget pillow, you had to order a 300-piece meal and a sewing kit.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: We don't deserve this planet.

SAGAL: We really don't.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Well, with that attitude, I have good news for you.

KONDABOLU: (Laughter).

SAGAL: You guys you're making fun of this. But the Travis Scott Chicken Nugget Body Pillow sold out instantly. You can't get them anymore. In fact...

POUNDSTONE: There were two.

SAGAL: I mean, no, they sold out everything. They sold out the Shamrock Shake shorts, the golden arches rug, the Ronald McDonald weighted blanket, which is just an old duvet filled with old McRibs.

KONDABOLU: (Laughter).

SAGAL: All right, Rich. Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: On a cheesy chalupa I dine, and the sommelier's choice is real fine. The best pairing we know, a nice jalapeno. Now Taco Bell's serving red...

MCFARLANE: Wine.

SAGAL: Yes, wine.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

KURTIS: Wine.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

KURTIS: Figured it out. Good for you.

SAGAL: There's a new way to get sick at Taco Bell with their new Jalapeno Noir.

POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: This proprietary red wine has notes of wild strawberry, cherry and something you will regret in the morning. It's meant to be paired with the toasted cheesy chalupa and eaten in front of the TV. It'll be nice when every Taco Bell has a sommelier. They can give you wine recommendations and the code for the bathroom at the same time.

O'ROURKE: Wow.

KONDABOLU: It's a brilliant strategy 'cause it's like - you got to be drunk to eat there.

SAGAL: Right.

KONDABOLU: And then you eat, and then you drink more. And you're like, oh, there's a Taco Bell right here inside where I'm at.

POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

KONDABOLU: And then you have some more. And it just goes on forever. It's brilliant.

SAGAL: It just does. You just stagger from Taco Bell to Taco Bell.

O'ROURKE: A virtuous circle - they call that in business.

SAGAL: Exactly. By the way, just before you all get excited, right now, the new wine is only available in Canada. So now we know what everyone in Ottawa is going to do with that hundred bucks. Bill, how did Rich do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Oh, he got them all right. Congratulations, Rich - 3-0.

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Rich. And good luck with that show. It sounds great.

MCFARLANE: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Take care.

MCFARLANE: Thank you, Peter. Appreciate it.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SCENES FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT")

BILLY JOEL: (Singing) A bottle of white, a bottle of red, perhaps a bottle of rose instead. We'll get a table near the street in our old familiar place.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

UNIDENTIFIED PEOPLE: (Singing) Taco, Taco, Taco Bell. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.