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Yearning for the Right Internship

I'm sitting across from a college grad and he's telling me about his upcoming internship. He's interested in writing, so he's interning at a publishing house so he can learn more about it. I need an internship. There's a lot I need to learn more about. I could do it, interns work for free. It's not like they'd be out anything. I'm the one that'd be out the money I have to pay a babysitter. But the experience would be invaluable. Like if I do an internship at Supercuts. That right there will save me a fortune in haircuts and put me solely in control of my son's bangs and how short I want them to be. I'm definitely gonna intern with my pediatrician. I'll do it just long enough to find out where to get that ear instrument, what an ear infection looks like, and how to write a prescription for an antibiotic. And then I'm gonna intern at the drugstore, so I can see why it takes two hours to pour four fluid ounces into a bottle. I'd like to intern at Portofino's, because I really want to learn how to make their chicken parmesan. But I'll probably intern at a Mexican restaurant too because my husband loves fajitas and I want to see what's in a Mojito. And a chipotle. I've got to do an internship with Dell because my tool bar disappeared and I can't change my fonts and writing in Comic Sans makes me feel like I'm writing for Sesame Street. And I'll intern anywhere they do waxing, coloring, highlighting, or whitening because I just know there's a way I can do it myself at home. I'm gonna intern at TJ Maxx so I know where all the good stuff is. And at the Honda service department to see how many people really come RIGHT in the second their engine light comes on. Oh and I need an internship at a fluff and fold laundry service because I cannot for the life me fold a bottom sheet without it looking like a wadded up parachute. And there's probably a really cool way to fold socks. I really should intern with a preschool because I could learn a thing or two about patience, discipline, and what all you can do with popsicle sticks. I'd love interning at a golf course to see how my husband can spend four hours with a group of guys and not have one piece of information about their wives, their children or anything happening in their lives. And a Day Spa. I have to intern at a Day Spa. So I can learn to . . . so I could see how . . . okay, it'd just be a lot of fun. Tracy Curtis writes a weekly humor column for The Charlotte Observer. You can read her columns every Sunday.