SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
Millions of Americans are spending more time online these weeks than they would ever tell children to. People are meeting, ordering, watching and messaging. They're joining conferences, classes, hangouts, book clubs, church groups, rehab meetings, Ramadan services and counseling sessions with sites demanding username password, conference number - kind of like...
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JESSICA HANSEN, BYLINE: Thank you for calling us, your one-stop shopping, information and entertainment destination. First, take 10 minutes and download our app, even though you'll never use it again as long as you live.
SIMON: Uh, uh...
HANSEN: Now enter your password. Remember it must contain 12 letters, nine numbers, one phrase in Flemish and three symbols for chemical elements.
SIMON: What? What?
HANSEN: I'm sorry. You hesitated. Please, answer the following questions. Who writes the WEEKEND EDITION theme music?
SIMON: B.J. Leiderman.
HANSEN: Correct. Next, who was the best James Bond?
SIMON: I got to go with Daniel Craig.
HANSEN: Wrong. Pierce Brosnan. I have lost all respect for you. Now enter your 27-digit pin number, followed by the pound sign and the number of tons of bauxite imported annually into the United States.
SIMON: Um, um...
HANSEN: I'm sorry. We have sent you a new pin number. You will find it written on the roof of your dog's mouth.
SIMON: You're kidding. No. You're kidding me. No, no.
HANSEN: I'm sorry. Your session has timed out. Thank you for calling us, your one-stop shopping, information and entertainment destination.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.