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Sandwich Monday: The Crazy Crab'z Sandwich

A delicious sandwich and a capable glove, should a foul ball come your way.
A delicious sandwich and a capable glove, should a foul ball come your way.

What makes baseball great is that there's so little happening, it's a chance to really pay attention to what you're eating.

AT&T Park in San Francisco embraces this. There is a sushi bar right by our seats, but we made the long walk around the stadium in search of the famous Crazy Crab'z Sandwich. It's Dungeness crab and tomato on grilled sourdough — with butter, butter and a pinch of butter.

Mike: Poor Barry Bonds. It wasn't steroids. This sandwich is why he doubled in size.

Ian: The only bad thing about this sandwich is you have to sit through a baseball game to get one.

In the sixth inning, Ian realizes there is a baseball game going on around all the food.
/ NPR
In the sixth inning, Ian realizes there is a baseball game going on around all the food.

People here really love this sandwich. Usually when there's a line this long at a stadium, there's a urinal at the end of it.

Ian: Everything here is locally sourced. If you notice, second baseman Joe Panik grows the tomatoes himself, right at the edge of the outfield.

Mike: Do you think any of these players have ever been busted for crabbing their bats?

Final score: Pirates 5, Giants 1, Sandwich 9.
/ NPR
Final score: Pirates 5, Giants 1, Sandwich 9.

The Crazy Crab'z Sandwich is $16. That seems like a lot, but in baseball stadium economy that's like 1.5 terrible beers, and in San Francisco economy that's 1/1,000,000th of your monthly rent.

Mike: Eating this, I now understand why the Giants also have a third-inning stretch.

Ian: It's really touching when the whole stadium sings "buy me some sushi and Dungeness crab" in unison.

Mike wonders how the delicious crab sandwich might impact the playoff hopes of the Minnesota Twins.
/ NPR
Mike wonders how the delicious crab sandwich might impact the playoff hopes of the Minnesota Twins.

[The verdict: This is a spectacular stadium food. Buttery, fresh, perfect. If you're choosing between the classic hot dog and this, ask yourself why you're choosing at all, and get two of each.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.