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Opinion: 'National Enquirer' Publisher's CEO Could Testify About Trump And UFOs

An issue of the National Enquirer featuring President Trump on its cover.
An issue of the National Enquirer featuring President Trump on its cover.

The reports that David Pecker, head of the publisher of the National Enquirer, received immunity to testify about payoffs Michael Cohen handled for two women who say they were involved with Donald Trump remind us that special and independent counsel investigations can go anywhere.

Investigators are obliged to follow the evidence, wherever it goes.

David Pecker's Enquirer endorsed Donald Trump for president and ran a number of stories about some of his opponents during the 2016 campaign, including especially nasty and preposterous charges linking another candidate's father to President John F. Kennedy's assassination; a story Trump then passed along.

The Associated Press reports there was a safe at National Enquirer offices that held stories about Trump and other celebrities that the magazine bought but never ran.

But what might still be in that safe? If the chief of the National Enquirer is to testify under oath, there are all kinds of urgent questions he can finally answer for the American people:

1. What's up with UFOs? Where do they come from? Why do they bother to come to Earth if they can order anything through Amazon these days?

2. Do aliens post online reviews of their favorite, and least favorite, spots on Earth?

"New York: no place to land; get poppy-seed bagels to go."

"Grand Canyon: red rocks, just like home. Why bother?"

"Niagara Falls: You get the point after just a splash. Stay dry and just soar over it. Drives the tourists crazy."

3. And: Is Elvis really still with us? What about Marilyn? Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa, and D.B. Cooper?

4. Where is Nicolas Cage? Oh wait. He has a new movie out this summer.

5. What about Bigfoot? The Loch Ness Monster?

In fact, after they had to pay a number of pricey court settlements to celebrities for running false stories, the Enquirer ran stories about the infidelities of John Edwards, the Rev. Jesse Jackson and other public figures that turned out to be true.

It would be a remarkable turn of events if a publication that has purveyed truly fake news had a vault of true stories about President Trump.

And where is Elvis? Enquiring minds want to know ...

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